One Fateful Day

She glanced down at the screen of her phone as it vibrated in her hand and her heart began to beat faster. It had been so long since it was his name to appear there. She hadn’t talked to him in years, ever since that awful day when she made a complete fool of herself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as she did the memories of that fateful day came rushing back to her.

“I-I love you.” She whispered.

As soon as the words spilled from her lips she knew they had been a huge mistake, possibly one of the biggest mistakes she would ever make. A sadness crept over his face and showed through his eyes. His bright blue eyes clouded to grey as he took her face in his hands. She knew then that this was it, the end of everything they had ever been.

“I’m so sorry, Ginge.” He whispered back to her. “I can’t love you, you know that. I want to, I just can’t. You knew this from the beginning, I never hid that from you.”

She nodded, his hands still cradling her face. Tears filled her eyes, she closed them in hopes of keeping the tears at bay. Unfortunately, it didn’t work. The tears made their way down her cheeks, leaving wet trails on her skin. She sniffed and looked back up into his eyes, those eyes she had stared into a thousand times, those eyes she knew she would probably never look up into again after that day.

He was right, they had talked about it at length. Love was simply not an option, their relationship could never go to that place. He couldn’t love her. He couldn’t love anybody, not really. Love didn’t fit into his lifestyle. But, more than that, he had been wrecked by love in his past, and had closed his heart to it forever. She had fooled herself into thinking that she could change him, that she would be able to find her way past his barriers, and he would one day return her love.

For her it had been love at first sight. From the moment she first saw him, she had been lost. No one else had ever made her feel the way he did. No one else had ever looked at her the way he did. She used to wish that just for one day she could see herself through his eyes, because maybe then she would find the ability to love herself. They became friends, and slowly it happened – she did begin to see herself through his eyes, she realized she was worthy of love.

He taught her to see the world in a whole new way. He opened her up to new experiences and sensations she never imagined existed. They explored every part of each other physically, emotionally, and mentally. She knew every inch of his body, and he knew the darkest corners of her mind. There was no one else who knew her the way he did and she knew no one else ever would.

Despite all that, he still left. She said those three words, and lost him forever. Sure, his leaving wasn’t entirely out of choice. There was a war on, after all, and he was a soldier. But, he did more than physically leave her standing there, her tears washing away the haunting feeling of his touch. He took a piece of her heart with that she would never get back. He took away the sunshine from her life, and she had fought every day for the past five years to get it back.

Now, there he was on her phone, bringing back all of those old feelings. There was a voice inside her head urging her not to answer the call. It was telling her to hit decline and move on. But, there was another voice screaming at her to swipe the screen and talk to that boy before the chance passed her by. She stared at her phone, knowing she only had another few seconds to make a decision before it would be too late.

She placed her thumb on the screen, took a deep breath, and swiped.

“Hello?” Her voice was stronger than she would have expected it to be.

Tears filled her eyes as she heard the voice on the other end of the line. It was so different from the voice that had played through her mind over and over again through the years. But, when she closed her eyes and listened closely, she could still hear the guy she had spent hour upon hour talking to about anything and everything that came to mind.

“Ginge? Ginge, is that you?” The familiar nickname was like a dagger to her heart

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you, Nicky?” She hoped he couldn’t hear the shaking in her voice as the tears made their way down her cheeks.

“Aww, Ginge, it’s so good to hear your voice. You have no idea. Listen, Ginge I screwed this up big time. I should’ve told you that day, I should’ve told you every single day I’ve known you. I definitely should’ve called you before now to tell you, I’ve wanted to …” His voice trailed off.

“Tell me what, Nicky? What are you talking about?” She pressed her hand to her other ear, straining to hear him over the background noise on his end.

“The thing is, Ginge. I knew it then, I know it now, I think I’ve always known it—” She could hear something that sounded like gun fire through the phone. “Ginge … I—”

The line went dead and she was left staring at her phone, audible sobs tearing from her body.