Andrew French- The Lone Stranger

Mandy

Andrew is coming to America! Not just America … Texas. As my fellow Americans know, Texas is a country unto itself. When you think of down-home gritty American pride, you think of Texas. Texans are not just proud to be American, they are proud to be Texan. If you want a true dose of American patriotism, come to Texas. Ask a Texan anything, and they will tell you why America is the greatest country in the world.

So, for his first visit to “the colonies,” Andrew has picked a true American state to immerse himself in. Culture shock might be putting it mildly when he steps off that plane at Dallas-Fort Worth Airport (DFW to those of us who live here). He will walk into pretty much exactly what you picture Texas/America to be. It is cowboy hats, boots, dusty jeans, and pickup trucks.

He will not only experience Dallas, but he will get the chance to experience small town Texas. Now, this is a whole other ballgame, let me tell you. Small town Texas is miles of road in the middle of nowhere, driving past cows, steers, horses, and donkeys. It’s twenty minutes just to go into town, and at least thirty minutes to get anywhere else. It’s church on Sunday, and a smile and a wave even if they don’t know you. Small town Texas holds the definition of what some might call “southern charm.” There’s nothing quite like it.

Andrew is coming to America! He is coming to Texas! And I am not sure he has any idea what he is getting himself into. But, I can’t wait to give him that true down home American experience and show him what us in “the colonies” are really all about! So, grab some sweet tea (not that he’d drink it) and pull up a rocking chair on the porch because it is going to be quite a ride!

Andrew

Yes it's true, like in the Eddie Murphy film I'm Coming to America. But instead of going to bustling New York City I'm headed for Texas, the Lone Star state. I have of course been practising my now faultless 'American' accent with my sentences beginning in the Bronx, wandering into Wyoming, getting lost in California before ending up in Alabama, but it's all American, right?

Obviously it's important that I fit in so I've mastered my John Wayne walk....it looks more like I'm desperately trying to hold in a thunderous fart while clenching a ping pong ball between my buttocks to be honest but I'm sure the locals will appreciate it.

Then of course there's the language. Instead of 'walking' I'll be 'moseying' on down (whatever that involves) and instead of 'hello' it'll be all 'howdy y'all', 'yee-haw' and 'yessureyoubetcha'. I'm discovering American is a strange language, but I suppose that's what happens when they're left alone unsupervised for too long without British guidance.

The truth is I can't wait to go. To experience the real America, it's people and it's culture. Although to say I'm apprehensive at the prospect of being presented with a 72 ounce steak which, let's be honest, is basically a cow with its hooves cut off, is an understatement.

I'll let you know how it goes.