My Life with Anxiety

I've lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember.

As anyone who has anxiety will tell you, there are good days and bad. I have become an expert over the years of developing my mask for the public, so they never see the constant battle that goes on inside my head. Not every day is a full on war, like today is for example, but each day has its own struggle.

So, I decided to share my unmasked reality today in order to help bring awareness to mental health, and show people that anxiety does not always look the way you think it will. This is the face of anxiety:

This is the face of anxiety. It's not a full blown, can't breath panic attack (though those do happen) like Hollywood would have you think. It's fighting back tears because all your body wants to do is cry for no known reason. It's biting your lip and constantly fidgeting because you have to do something. It's forcing yourself to get dressed and leave the house because all you want to do is crawl back in bed. It's forcing yourself to not start a fight with a friend because your anxiety wants someone to unload on. It's sunglasses on a cloudy day because not only do they hide the reality behind your eyes, but also because your head has been pounding since you got out of bed. It's forcing yourself to eat because you are so nauceous the thought of food makes you sick.

This is the face of anxiety. This is my reality. This is my life. This is me without a mask or a smile to hide the war I am fighting against myself. This is my most vulnerable side. But, this is also a very real side of my life and the lives of millions of other people. Those who have never experienced anxiety personally, can never understand what it feels like. They can't know how exhausting it is to be constantly attacked by your own mind, and to fight against that attack every single day. They can't understand what it is like to wake up in the morning not knowing whether your anxiety is going to win that day or not.

Those of us living with anxiety hide it most of the time because we don't want to appear weak or vulnerable. We don't want people to feel sorry for us. We don't want attention. We suffer in silence, because we want the opposite. We want to feel "normal". We want to wake up and not have to wonder what kind of day it is going to be. We want to be strong, and happy, and upbeat, and energetic.

If you know someone with anxiety, don't placate them. Don't tell them everything will be fine. Just be there for them. Check in on them. Encourage them to open up to you without fear that you will judge them for it. So many believe that people can just "get over" their anxiety or depression or whatever it may be. That's not how it works, though. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer or another physical illness to "just get over it." You would be there for them and help them, and try to understand what they are going through. Anxiety is a mental illness. The keyword there is, illness. It's a very real thing. And for many, they have sought treatment, it doesn't always 100% work. Just be there for them. Try to be understanding of their constant battle. And help us to break the stigma of mental illness by spreading awareness about it.